The RockStar Review

Shhh. Did you hear that? It's the sound of silence. You don't need to be literate to read between the lines of what was going through both the contestants and audiences' minds when Jason, Gilby, and Tommy tugged on Lukas's wanker at the show's finale last night. It was the sound of disbelief, and the look on Dilana's face said it all. Bullshit.

I've long said Lukas doesn't have a shred of talent, and I stand firmly by that after tonight's performance. I literally wondered to myself where the hell was this guys inhaler? I've never seen such a hodge-podge performance with such an affliction of nasal-toned short-breathitis... I think there's a guy undergoing chemo with an iron lung somewhere in Toledo, Ohio that can hold a note longer than Lukas. It was just a G0d-awful performance, but nowhere near as bad as what was to follow...

Dave: That was AWESOME. Tommy: Two words: Check Please. I can't even remember what the other two tweedle-dums said because the camera cut away to Dilana's face while there wasn't nary a peep from the audience. The gig is up. The contestants are finally catching onto something, and so is the audience. This whole thing looks like a runaway train full of bullshit. What's even sadder was how disineterested Lukas looked during just about every other performance--like, dude--what the hell am I doing here. I don't belong here... I'm a creep... Oh, sorry. Digression sucks.

With the finale in three weeks, it looks like we have another round of killing two birds with one stone. One has to wonder if this was intended from the get go, or if it's just the bands' way of silently raising the white flag with "get me the fuck out of here as quick as you can" written in braille.

Top performance of the night: Ryan. I think the originality of his song and the intensity he brought really showed the band something again. He truly is a dark horse. Who will get booted: Patrice, and for good reason. The song sounded like a Lilith Fair hand me down from Juliana Hatfield--which isn't a bad thing necessarily, just not right for the band. Dilana's performance was a little eh, as was Storms. Mangi's was ok, while I thought Toby had the second best performance of the night.

Who will get the encore? I'll be damned at this point if the Lukas conspiracy doesn't pay off, but I think Ryan is more deserving--though he won't get it for he had it last week. Who will get the original song? I think Tobey.

But what I really wanna know is, were Dilana's nipples pierced, too? And just where can I find some uncensored pics of her running around the pool? ;)